Beyond Borders .....

A couple of years ago I wrote about boundaries and what we have to do in order to protect or boundaries. After speaking with someone this week and thinking about it I decided to post the e-mail that I sent to all my friends in regards to boundaries. I hope you all are able to take something away from this.

Setting boundaries is something I have struggled with for years. Personally I had never really set boundaries for myself, but I now realize how important it truly is to have them. I think I could have saved myself some grief and heartbreak if I had something set up sooner, but better late then never. I now have a basic idea of my boundaries. In my life I look at my boundary as a large circle. In the centre of that circle is me surrounded by a heavy circle. The next circle within a circle is for family. After that circle comes the circle for very close family like friends. They are allowed to cross into the boundary where my family is to a point. After that circle comes the circle of acquaintances and almost every other person I come in contact with. They are not allowed into the close friend circle until they are known for a period of time and prove they can be trusted to move into the next boundary. I have structured my set of boundaries over a period of learning time. I have found that as I set my priorities with this circle of boundaries, I have experienced less confusion and crisis in my life. No one is allowed inside my centre circle as this is now my holy ground. The only exception to this is if someone chooses to share their life with me. They would then be allowed into the inner circle but would have to respect the circle. Now sometimes when a close friend is in a crisis, I have found that I tend to feel as if that boundary is being treaded upon. This is where I am at my learning stage. Everyone needs to learn balance. I believe that everyone needs special friends. To have one or more without compromising that centre boundary is the tough part. I need to protect my inner circle and I am able to do that with lots of practice and good communication.

I have lived by this for several years now and I believe that I have a solid set of boundaries, however, I have made an exceptions to my own rules. I have someone in my life who is always there for me, who always makes me feel good about myself and who loves me unconditionally. Many people go through life never experiencing what I have with this person, so I consider myself a very lucky. Because of this, this person is allowed to move freely within the circle .... even tread on my holy ground because I trust them with all my heart and I know they would never hurt me. So I leave this with you, but remember there is a big difference between setting boundaries and putting up walls .........